You Look Just Like Your Dad

Madyson, almost 2 :-)

When Madyson was born she had dark hair just like me. I loved it! I wanted her to look like me. I couldn't wait to be a mother. I wanted a bunch of kids, a large family. Moreover, I couldn't wait to have a blood relative. I know that sounds weird to most, but it meant a great deal to me. By the time she was born I had lost every remaining blood relative to death or estrangement and I was desperate for some true family. I needed someone I could relate to and say things like, "you have my eyes" and "you get your skin tone from me" or "you have your dad's teeth". I never heard those things growing up because there was no one to compare it to. I didn't have any pictures of my parents when I was a child or young adult, those pictures didn't surface until after Mady was born and I went on a search to find the truth. I hoped that having a daughter with even just a few of my physical characteristics would fill a person void in me. And I knew it would help Mady to know who she was and where she came from. I knew from watching other families that we could connect through sharing these stories.

Me, not sure what age.

I am sure you have heard the saying, "you can't know where you are going, until you know where you came from." That is such a true statement. It is true down to the core of physical characteristics as well. For me it wasn't just about where I was born, and who my parents were, but it was about who I looked like. As a child, I would look in the mirror and wonder where I got my nose from and why my feet were so big. I wanted to know which one of my parents had dark hair and if I got my eyes from my father or mother. Those things were important to me. I think they are important to most people, but most people take those small things for granted. It was always strange for me and my sister because people who didn't know that we were adopted would always try and figure out who we looked like. People would say "Stephanie, you look just like your dad." I found that funny. My parents and I would just look at each other and smile. But deep down it just made me long to know if I really did look like my father, my birth father. It became obvious to me at a very young age that physical traits were important in identifying yourself and who you belong to. It also became very clear to me that how you looked and who you looked like would affect how people treated you. That is just the truth about people and their judgement. I think we have all been a victim of that.

My birth father, not sure what age

I have one daughter. My plan for a large family wasn't in the cards. I always say if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. I was only meant to have one daughter and she is my everything. That is how it is supposed to be when you are a parent and it is how God intended it for me. She doesn't only look like me. She has some of my physical traits and some of her dad's. I always tell her she got the best of both of us, inside and outside. I can tell it gives her a sense of belonging and history knowing that and being able to recognize it when she looks at herself in the mirror.

Almost every day I am able to give my daughter something I didn't have as a child. Giving her my traits and being able to tell her about the day she was born and where she gets her big feet from are a couple of those things. It's an amazing blessing and something I don't take lightly.