A Birth Day

Born, December 27, 1976

On this day in 1976 was born into a scary life. A life definitely unfit to raise children in. An environment riddled with drugs, violence, neglect, hunger, abuse and pain. I was born to drug addicted parents who were not stable and into a life that had no hopeful outcome. But, I was born.

I was born to nearly die at 7 months old from viral pneumonia. I was born to live in foster care until adopted at age 5. But, I was born. I was born to watch my brother be taken back to foster care. I was born to grow up not knowing where I come from. But, I was born. I was born to experience loss so great that the effects would last a lifetime and to be changed forever by circumstances I had no control over. But it was born. I WAS BORN.

I don't know what time I came into the world and there are no pictures or records from that day. I can imagine it was bitter-sweet as my mother and father were already struggling to raise two children. I feel sure that the birth was hard for my mother as she struggled with "sadness" and drug addiction. But, I was born. I was born.

I can not share with you any stories from that day because all of them died when my birth parents committed suicide. I can not tell you how much I weighed or how long I was. And I will never be able to tell you when I started sleeping through the night. But I was born. I was born.

I was born to be given up so that I could be found. I was born to have no trust so that I could learn to trust. I was born having no family so that I could one day be grateful for my own. I was born to lose so that I could know what it means to win. I was born to make mistakes in my journey to understand that it's the journey that matters. I was born to feel pain so that I can know the joy of a great feeling body. I was born to take the hits so that I could learn to be tough enough to get up and go again. I was born to push away so that I could learn to open my heart. I was born to fail so that I could be accountable to the victory. I was born to wait until I could be patient enough to actually wait.

I WAS BORN and I have lived an awesome life. Humble beginnings have actually set a great foundation for me. I have loved many, I have hurt many, I have helped many. I have no regrets.

There will always be a part of me that longs for those stories. I would be a liar if I told you different. But that doesn't cause me to be sad, not anymore. Now I get up on this day and say I WAS BORN. And this is an actual life. To be lived. To embrace. To screw up. To fix. To celebrate. To affect. It causes me to wear a patch of pride instead of shame for my scars. And it causes me to appreciate every breath that I take. Because, man, I WAS BORN.